What to do with our parents?

靖博 阅读:673 2017-12-21 14:56:20 评论:0

一个信基督的朋友说,她的母亲反对她信教,更反对她去教堂,每日里看得她牢牢的,很无奈。

类似的事我听其他几个朋友也说过,深感中国父母之”无神论“或”信仰排他论“或”你是我儿子/女儿你就得听我的论“等等。中国的父母,除了热爱万事干涉子女的自由,可还会些什么别的吗?父母爱孩子,是人类的天性,不值得拿出来专门炫耀。牛群有段相声里说”高尔基说过,爱孩子,这是连母鸡都会做的事情。“问题是,父母应该怎样爱子女才不那么讨厌?中国父母,尤其是老年父母,少有想过这个问题的。

爱,不是我为了让你多吃饭,就要牺牲我的食物,全部让给你。或者让你吃一条鱼的90%而我只吃鱼尾巴,同时告诉你我就喜欢吃鱼尾巴。我觉得这样的故事好无聊,也好错误。这不是健康的爱。为什么不从小告诉孩子要把好的东西与别人分享,但不是无原则地牺牲,更别提还要加上一句貌似很高尚实则很自虐很矫情的white lie.

爱,不是为了让我放心,就用类似法西斯的手段管束你的手脚,令你不能选择自己的朋友和玩伴,不能超过晚上九点回家,不能独自背包去旅行。因为社会上飘荡着形形色色的坏人,因为你在我面前永远是个孩子,所以我要管你,告诉你what's good and bad, what's right and wrong, 所以你永远长不大,因为我内心里根本不允许你长大。

这不是合理的爱。为什么在孩子第一次走路摔倒时不协助他凭借自身的力气爬起来,脑海里从此多了一个基本的安全认知?为什么不告诉孩子这个世界上的人从来不能按好和坏两个标签来分,而是帮助他了解人性的复杂,有很多坏人其实也有善良的心底,很多好人也可以瞬间变成坏人。这世界的面纱,不应当由你代劳帮孩子揭开。那样的话,他/她如何能知道那原来是一层面纱而不是真面目呢?

昨天跟一个生了两个女儿的年轻母亲聊天,她说其实她是不太喜欢小孩的。这话我倒能理解,并非生了小孩的人就一定多么喜欢小孩。真正喜欢小孩的人有点像特别喜欢的人,就是不论是他自己的狗还是别人的狗,他看见了就立即展眉舒眼喜笑颜开地想要去逗它抚摸它。以这个标准思度,我好像也没那么喜欢小孩。

你既然自作主张地生了人家,好似未经人家同意便带人家去了一趟旅行,那你就有义务安排好一切照顾好他的起居饮食快乐。这有什么好拿来依仗作为某种资本和优越的地位去管教别人呢?即便他/她年纪还很小。

唐朝有个不太出名的僧人,叫王梵志,写过一首小

我昔未生时,冥冥无所知。

天公强生我,生我复何为?

无衣使我寒,无食使我饥。

还你天公我,还我未生时!

再回到那位基督徒朋友提到的母亲不许她信教的事,我google了一下,很有趣的结果。

网上既有人问“如果爸妈不让我去教堂我该怎么办?”的,也有问“如何摆脱硬拖着我去教堂的父母?”的。

其中,有篇Christian Post网站上的文章很有意思,题目叫My Parents Won't Let Me Go to Church

Q: I'm 16, and I asked Jesus to come into my life this past summer at a camp I was attending. But my parents don't want anything to do with religion and won't even let me go to church. Will God be mad at me because I don't go to church?-- M.S.

A: God knows all about your situation -- and no, He isn't angry at you because you aren't going to church. God knows what you can and can't do, and He doesn't hold you accountable for something you can't do (without disobeying your parents).

I'm sorry your parents feel this way; they should be glad instead that Christ has changed your life and is making you a better person. But people WHO don't know God and don't want anything to do with Him can act this way -- even if it doesn't make sense. Remember: Jesus was sinless -- and yet the crowds cried out for His death, and the Roman governor caved in to their demands. The Bible says, "The god of this age (i.e., Satan) has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ" (2 Corinthians 4:4).

Ask God to make you a witness to Christ's love and peace in your family; the strongest argument for the truth of the Gospel is a changed life. Pray for them also that God will break through their resistance and give them a desire to know Christ. Only God can change their attitude, and this should be your prayer.

In addition, do what you can to grow closer to Christ, in spite of your restrictions. Read your Bible and pray daily. Have informal fellowship too with friends who are Christians, and ask them to pray for you and your parents.


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